When an 8 year old can learn to manage their worries and anxieties!

So many thoughts are swirling around in my mind as I read the article in The Irish Times today about the rise in anxiety levels among young people. https://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/steep-rise-in-rates-of-anxiety-and-depression-among-young-1.4087207?fbclid=IwAR26Fj2_0BAGoDb6Krhu-E3FzRLQ-kZleXOTnTFg-8MvM0OfSs13uxQPnm0

It is important to get a picture of what young people in Ireland are struggling with, as this is the key to putting in place appropriate strategies and support services to assist them. Amazing work carried out by UCD School of Psychology and Jigsaw. Thank you!

I think it is amazing that young people feel that they are now more able to talk about how they feel; however, there is something very important that I want to stress. Sometimes feeling anxious, worried, nervous, under pressure is actually a normal part of being a human being and does NOT mean that you are suffering from an anxiety disorder or a mental health disorder. However, if not kept in check or taught coping strategies, it can and sometimes does lead to something more serious.

I wholly believe that young people should be taught about how their brain works and how their mind and body responds to not only real danger but perceived danger. This is an area I am passionate about coaching children and young adults in.

Children at a very young age can be taught about the mind-body connection and about taking note of how their body feels, being aware of what thoughts are racing around in their mind and ultimately how this makes them behave. It is a ‘Life Skill’ that I believe all children must be taught – not just children and young adults that worry a lot or suffer with an anxiety disorder. Knowledge is power, and knowledge of what is happening and of tools and techniques that can be used, gives a sense of control and empowerment, which ultimately helps reduce anxiety and builds self-confidence, self- esteem and resilience.

I would love to tell you a personal story of how this empowerment has helped a child as young as 8 to manage herself, to allow her to do something that she was both excited and anxious to do…

The other week, my youngest daughter got the opportunity through school, to read the opening welcome message at Sunday mass. She was so excited; however, my initial (internal) reaction to this was “Oh gosh, how will she manage the ‘monkey brain’ and ‘what ifs’”. You see, my youngest is a deep thinker – she assesses all potential scenarios in every situation and thinks of things even a detective may not think of! I kept my initial thought to myself and shared in her excitement for getting this opportunity.

She practiced every day at home and loved acting out exactly how she would walk to the alter, say her piece and walk down to her seat again. I was so proud of her mindset which was - the power of practice.

Then, the night before mass came, and at 3.30am I heard her walk into my room and as she sat on the side of the bed in the dark, she said she didn’t feel well. I felt her forehead for her temperature and could feel her little body shaking from head to toe, so I asked her what was on her mind. She said she was worried about saying her piece at mass. I didn’t respond to her worry in that moment but asked her to practice her deep belly breathing with me (this is something she practices every night at bedtime, when she relaxed and is NOT worried - so this particular breath comes very easily to her now). As she took a few deep belly breaths with me, I could feel the shaking start to reduce until it eventually stopped. I knew then that she had calmed down the ‘emotional’ part of her brain and we were ready to talk from the ‘logical’ part.

I asked her did she think it was the ‘monkey brain’ taking over (again, she is aware that we all have a ‘monkey’ in our brain who puts unhelpful thoughts in our minds. She calls her monkey Stinky Stink!). She agreed it was Stinky Stink. So I asked her, “how can we get the monkey to go away?”. She said, “I can answer it back” and I said, “fabulous, what are you gonna say to Stinky Stink?”. She said out loud, “I have practiced every day and I know it off by heart now!”. I said, “brilliant – what else would you like to say to Stinky Stink?”. She said, “if I make a mistake that is OK, even Ariana Grande makes mistakes”. “Fantastic” I said. She continued to say, “I am in control of my thoughts NOT Stinky Stink!” and “GO AWAY!”. I could see she was feeling empowered again and I said, “why don’t you go back to bed now but tell me first what do you think you can say if Stinky Stink comes back into your mind again?”. She loved telling me she was going to tell Stinky Stink to “SHUT UP!” (Shut up is not a term we are allowed to use in our house; however, she knows she is always allowed to tell her ‘monkey brain’ to shut up – she loves this, as it makes her feel stronger, more grown up I suppose, and it makes her giggle - as to her it’s a ‘naughty word’ and she has full permission to say it!).

I lay in my bed for the next 20 minutes with one eye and ear open expecting for her to come back into the room, but she didn’t. She had taken full control of her thoughts at 8 years of age and had managed the impact these thoughts had had on her physical body also – I was so proud of her! Instead, she came bounding into the room at 7.45am wondering how long until mass!

As we sat at the front of the church waiting for mass to start, she said her tummy felt funny and she felt a bit sick. I reminded her that this was perfectly normal and that I feel that way before any talk I have to give. I whispered, “even the pop stars feel that way when they are waiting to go on stage”. I could she her eyes light up as she imagined being a pop star about to go on stage!! As I held her hand, I started doing deep belly breaths beside her (I’m not sure if this was for her benefit or mine!), and I could feel her start to mirror me and breath in tune with my breath. Then, she got the nod and up she went and said her piece as if she did it every Sunday morning at mass! I was as proud as any mammy could be of their daughter in that moment. I know my little girl is a deep thinker and that can lead to worries and anxiety, but there, in that moment was as an 8 year old totally in control of her mind and body …what more could a Kids Life Coach, but more importantly, a mammy ask for...

For more information on how I can empower you or your child, feel free to contact me

by phone at 086-8677822,

by email at sharon@growthmindset.ie,

through messenger on facebook https://www.facebook.com/sharonfennellylifecoach/, or

through my webpage https://www.sharonfennelly.ie/contact